Masculinity, Manhood, and the Mami Wata Tradition

"Men do not cry." my Godmother said these words to me upon the end of my most recent visit to Togo.

Among the youth exploring African Traditional Religions we frequently hear thoughts about toxic masculinity, patriarchy, homophobia, capitalism, & their intersection with white supremacy.

Make no mistake, this is not an erroneous connection, but that's not what this short essay is about. It's not enough to identify what is bad, we must also promote what is healthy and good.

If you noticed, I've titled this in reference to the Mami Wata Tradition. This is not by accident. There are many delineations within the practice of West African Vodou and gender/sex is one such determiner.

There are cults of Vodou open only to males or females and these exclusions are sacrosanct.

Those of us outside of these spaces don't need to understand why we're excluded; just accept that everything isn't for everybody.

One of the truths that is evident is that maleness is the essence of violence. Men only cults exemplify this and they in turn evidence resistance to violence being inflicted onto them. But this maleness is not conflated with masculinity, which brings us to Mami Wata.

Mami Wata teaches us that masculinity is not the suppression of male aggression as evidenced in the modern enlightened conversation, or its glorification as popularized by the patriarchy. In Mami Wata we are taught to temper that aggression with wisdom and compassion.

We don't pretend it isn't there, instead we direct it to where it will do the most good & the least harm. Masculinity in our world view expresses not as hardness and stoicism but as passion to protect and defend his home, his partner, and his progeny; and failing these things, to avenge them.

Thus the man has space to be nurturing and emotional, without the latitude to be domineering or cruel.

As a man your obligation is to protect and defend your charges from all threats; himself first.